just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
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