and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
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