i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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