I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
