I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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