Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
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