You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
