i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
