i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
