Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
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