dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
