I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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