no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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