Im at strip club and am horny
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
