at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
