Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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