I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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