so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
