I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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