Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
