WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
areolas are like halos for boobs.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
