TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
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