A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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