Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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