I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Randomize
