It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
it's like heaven, but drunker
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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