Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
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