The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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