at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
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