I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Randomize