Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
