Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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