i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
