And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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