He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
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