Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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