her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Randomize
