3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
