Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
