I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I wear drunk well.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
