i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
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