Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
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