I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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