I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
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