I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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