I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Randomize
