Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Randomize
