Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Randomize
