I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
