I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
