"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
