She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
