I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
