i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
