omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
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Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
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Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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