So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
