I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
