So gin and wine won't be happening again
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
