guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
