Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
